Note: A parody about what runs in the scammers heads when they boast their projects
There are many cryptocurrency exchanges evolving every day boasting that they are the best exchange ever with world class security, high liquidity and volume. Forget all of them.
Today we are introducing an exchange that is better than all other exchanges in existence and has the features you have never imagined possible. You are hearing about it for the first time here, so remember the name:
“Cheatopian”- Your Crypto is OUR Crypto
At times when people are finding it hard to trade and trust the shady exchanges, Mr. Abaygnale, who was the inspiration behind the great classic: “Never Catch Me even if You Can”, worked years to develop the technology behind the most safe and trusted exchange in the universe, Cheatopian.
You must be wondering what makes Cheatopian so special? Let’s see:
Also read; eToro: Stellar company or a scam? CryptoTapas enquires
High Volume
We make traders believe that we have the highest volume of trading even for the shittiest coins in the market which makes it really easy for the traders to get deceived by the numbers and get greedy to buy them at their never existing prices.
Security
We will ensure that your assets are safe with us and no one, literally no one, not even you. We will store your coins in the most advanced and vintage desktop computers which we assembled from the scrap yard.
And we built this after a lot of hard work from our local engineer dropouts. Some of them are not even engineers, they are just dedicated to get hands on your crypto.
These computers run on late generation technology and because this is such a lost generation system – new generation hacks prove useless.
There is more. As our priority is to secure your tokens from you forever, we have created the world’s best storage options. We store your private keys on two hardware wallets.
- Xwallet 5.0
- Ponzi Wallet
1. XWallet 5.0
Xwallet, aka, Cold wallet is used to store your assets and will be kept in our refrigerator at extra cold temperature to safeguard your tokens from being burnt.
2. Ponzi Wallet
This one is our favorite. Your assets get stored on an advanced pen drive called ‘Ponzi’ named after our pet dog and can store upto a staggering 64GB. We will be tying this pen drive to our dog so that no one else can steal it.
KYC
You need to submit all your official government records as well as your health and financial reports for the last two years. Most of the information is not useful but it is mandatory so that we can generate more revenue by selling your personal data on the dark web. You know you want us to make the most buck out of a sucker like you and we will not disappoint you. Trust us.
Support
We have deployed our own relatives and some engineering dropouts who couldn’t get jobs elsewhere.
We don’t usually stay active on chats or calls but if we ever get in touch we will make sure your query is never resolved and keep your contacts stored on ‘not to respond’ list for future correspondence.
Listing
We are always on the lookout to list all the leading shitty coins, P&D, Ponzi and Scam coins from the market. It’s easy to list. You pay us a truck load of money in BTC or USDT (not in your good-for-nothing coins) and we will list your coin and create massive trading volume, thanks to our bots who trade for you day and night. We will run referral schemes all over the crypto channels so that we can trap as many as possible in as little time as feasible.
Fee
One Fee for all. Yes we will charge the same fee for all trades, withdrawals and deposits and it’s just 1 BTC.
Team
Our team consists of people who you have never heard of. That is because, all of our profiles are custom built in a lab. For instance, some of us have never boarded a flight but we have Harvard Degrees with highest honors. Some of us have managed to get degrees from a future university on Mars. These Mars degrees will help us set up shop on Mars as soon as Elon Musk starts sending people there. Our exchange will be there before people form colonies. No other team can match our profile, if they do, we will introduce another team member that has better credentials. A team you can trust with your crypto.
These and more features that make our Cheatopian exchange the world’s best exchange ever.
If you are looking to lose your crypto, look no further, choose Cheatopian.
Don’t waste your time following us on any Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn, as we love being anonymous. Yes, we do encourage you to make your own reddit and telegram communities to discuss our products and eventually our exit scam.
Trade Careless, Stay Foolish.
Thank you for reading and sharing this article. Stay safe and healthy!
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER
We have used referral codes where available.
Everything in this article is an opinion, not an advice of any kind. This material has been prepared for general informational purposes only and it is not intended to be relied upon as accounting, tax, investment, legal or other professional advice. Please consult with a professional for specific advice.
We do not endorse or guarantee the accuracy of the information and claims made.
All product and company names are trademarks™ or registered® trademarks of their respective holders. Use of them does not imply any affiliation with or endorsement by them.
